I am so good at not worrying.
Ha! . . . until I wake up at 2 A.M. And then all my stress catches up with me—and keeps me up for two hours.
That’s when I wonder how I am going to cram in all the things I need to teach my kiddos before I unleash them on society in just a few years. I am inadequate at parenting. I’m doing so much so wrong. And what if they make bad choices?
Oh, changing topics, I totally forgot to text my friend back . . . three weeks ago. I don’t call often enough; I don’t make enough time; I don’t listen well. I want to be a better friend, but it’s been so busy that I’m failing. I promised her I’d pray, and I completely forgot! Ugh!
While we are thinking about letting people down: my husband, Greg, should get the best of me, but I’m so exhausted by the end of the day that I didn’t even bother to have a conversation with him. I want my marriage to have Christ in the center, but we didn’t even pray together this week.
Speaking of this week, how am I going to meet all my work deadlines? I had a whole to-do list, but now that I’m not sleeping I’m sure my work will be poor.
Since we are thinking about poor, those were totally poor word choices. I talk too much. Why can’t I shut up?
I wouldn’t risk sharing my middle-of-the-night frettings if I didn’t know that I’m not alone. Talking with friends, it seems as if the dark of night is the best time to let fear and worry overtake our brains. By the way my mind works, it seems I believe if I worry enough I can make sure nothing bad happens.
That’s just dumb.
I’m not sure how you cope, but for me it seems to take about an hour until I remember the advice from Philippians 4:5-7: “The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Oh, that’s right, thinking about the things on my heart is not nearly the same as praying about the things on my heart. I can stew about everything all night long, but that doesn’t change a single thing. What does change things is when I remember that the Lord is near. He doesn’t leave me. He doesn’t think less of me. (He can’t because he sees me through Jesus.) Talking to the Father who loves me doesn’t necessarily change the situation, but it changes me—because it fills me with the peace that doesn’t make human sense. Placing my requests before the Father who has secured my eternal future means that my earthly future is in good hands.
When I remember that, then I really am so good at not worrying.
And I sleep in peace.
Linda Buxa is a writer, Bible study leader, and retreat speaker. She’s thankful that she met her deadline for this post so she can cross off “worrying about blog deadlines” from her list.