Can a Marriage Thrive When Only 1 Person Is a Christian?

By Pastor Mike Novotny

Feeling like church is an obligation is not an ideal situation in a marriage. Worshiping the One you love without the one you love isn’t what the One you love wants for the one you love.

If you don’t totally agree on matters of faith, church, and spiritual practices, you aren’t the first couple, and you won’t be the last. Millions have worked through this for the good of their marriages, so let me suggest three big ideas to guide you.

Ask About Their Faith

What’s preventing you from being on the same spiritual page? Maybe …

He didn’t grow up in church and feels lost during the service.
She doesn’t comprehend the sermon, which makes church feel like a waste of time.
His family was victimized by an abusive wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Her family ran into the ugliest forms of church hypocrisy.
He feels like he doesn’t belong because of his sinful past.

When I hear people’s reasons for not loving church, I often agree with them. So many objections are based on misunderstandings or a single bad experience, which means a dialogue can help you find common ground.

Gently help your spouse see that Jesus hates sin, especially the church’s sin, and that you likely have options for which church you attend together. Try five churches and see if one stands out as a potential church home. If their objections are more theological, find a good resource that addresses such issues.

Show the Difference Faith Makes in Marriage

The kind of life you live might be the factor that wins your spouse over. In speaking to spiritually single wives, Peter instructed, “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives” (1 Peter 3:1–2).

For example:

When your husband is fretting over the finances, your peace in God’s ability to provide will catch his attention.
When your wife is worried about the headlines, your trust in God’s providence will stand out as a superior way to find peace amidst the chaos.
When they are struggling to find their place in this world, your unshakable identity as God’s child will be enviable.
When their communication turns sinful and stubborn, your peace-making heart, from the God who made peace with you, will be evident.

I can’t promise that your character will lead your spouse to Christ. After all, Christ was pretty great at being Christian but not everyone was won over. But letting your light shine before your spouse’s eyes is worth it.

Start With Jesus

A reluctance to Christianity is often based on something/someone other than Jesus Christ. That’s why it’s essential to begin your spiritual conversations with Jesus before diving into lesser matters, such as choosing a church or wrestling with a controversial teaching.

If you aren’t a committed Christian, can you accurately describe who Jesus was, what Jesus did, and why billions of people have worshiped him in the past two thousand years?

If you are a committed Christian, have you communicated to your spouse what it is about Jesus that makes you love him, believe in him, and want to prioritize him in your life?

Try something like this: “Jesus loved me when I didn’t deserve it. Despite all my failures, he still loved me so much that he gave up his life on a cross. And Jesus did that for you too. Despite our disobedience, Jesus died for you and me. And all who believe in him will have eternal life with God in heaven.”

I can’t make you believe that, and you can’t force your spouse to either. But we can help the people we care about understand it. If you start with Jesus, you might just end up on the same spiritual page.

The Long Game

A newlywed wife whose husband walked away from his childhood church talked to me about her mindset as we chatted before a Sunday service. She simply shared, “I’m playing the long game.”

I remembered her words when her husband, months later, showed up one Sunday. Later he signed up for our intro course to Christianity and engaged during the lessons. Then he joined a small group that my friends were leading. They mentioned he had his own Bible, which he was reading at home, and he wasn’t shy about asking questions about faith.

As each step in his spiritual journey came to light, I thought back to his wife’s comment. The “long game,” that slow and deliberate effort to point her husband to the Holy One, had worked.

I pray it does for you too.