Scripture: Revelation 2:6; Hebrews 12:6; Psalm 5:5; 1 Timothy 1:15
A Familiar Phrase—and a Real Tension
“Hate the sin; love the sinner.” Give me a big thumbs up if you’ve heard that before. Yeah. Almost all of you have, right? You hear it in church, you hear it among Christian people, you even hear it out in the community. Any of you seen the musical Hamilton before? Smash Broadway hit. What shows up right in the middle of Hamilton? This is how you know it’s mainstream: “Hate the sin but love the sinner.”
You know, it struck me the other day, I think the reason why that’s such a common phrase that you hear these days is because all of us, sooner or later, can find a person that we really, really love who’s doing something that we really, really hate. Has this happened to you yet in life? You know, you see someone that you care about, you’re deeply concerned about, you just can’t dismiss them or kick them to the curb. You love them deeply. And yet, the choices they’re making, the path that they’re on, the things that they’re doing, you just know are not good for them—it’s not good for their present or their future. When you love someone, but you can’t even come close to liking what they’re doing, well, you understand the emotional tension of hating the sin but loving the sinner.
And let’s be honest, I mean, will someone really feel the love if you hate the way they live? “Every time I see you, I’m judging your lifestyle.” Well, thanks. That makes me feel close to you. Should Christians be that judgmental towards the way that other people live? And should we really hate the sinner, like they’re the one and only problem in the room? When all of us have got sin, and all of us have got struggles, and we all have plenty to work on ourselves. Should we really be worrying about correcting, and judging, and changing and calling other people to repentance?
That’s a good question. Is this a good guide for Christians to live by? Hate the sin but love the sinner. Well, those are the kind of questions I want to explore with you today. I want to grab a Bible and see what God says about that. Should his followers hate the way that people live? Should we be judgmental at times? Shouldn’t we just love people like Jesus loved? And how do we do it? If that’s really what God wants, how can you dislike something in the heart and yet deeply love people at the same time?
Now, I want to warn you today, this is an emotional topic. It can be intense, thinking about love and hatred. This isn’t going to be a clappy, giggly sermon. You’re allowed to laugh if you want, but you probably won’t. But I think you, like me, need to know what God wants us to do in those moments where someone we love is doing something we hate. So, let’s start with some definitions.
Defining “Hate”: Does God Want Us to Feel It?
Let’s start with the word hate itself. Hate, as you can probably guess, means to strongly dislike or even detest something. It’s a visceral and emotional word. “Meh.” That’s not hate. “Whatever.” That’s not hate. “Hey, you do you. It’s your life.” That’s not hate. No, when something inside of you kind of cringes, twitches, is bothered—when you loathe someone else’s behavior—when that comes out of you, that’s what hate actually is.
Which probably begs the big question: does God want you to feel that way, to have this strong negative emotion in your heart when you look at other people? Well, the Bible has an answer to that question, and the answer is yes.
“But you have this in your favor: You hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.” (Revelation 2:6)
Now, if that surprises you, it shouldn’t. Just imagine for a second you and I were having a conversation, and another person stepped into the room and just started viciously and verbally abusing you. If I could watch that person sinning against you and you looked at me with wide, scared eyes, and I said, “Meh”—would you think of me as a good person? If I was the boss and something toxic or abusive was happening under my watch and I said, “Well, whatever”—would you consider me a good leader?
No, I think you would want me to be mad about the sins that hurt people. I think you would want me to be emotional about it. You wouldn’t think more of me if I was detached emotionally from bad behavior. I think you would want me to be as angry as you are hurt. In fact, I would think the more emotional you get about an injustice, the closer you sometimes are to the heart of God who hates injustice. Jesus didn’t critique these Christians—he said, “You have this in your favor: you hate what I also hate.” So, is that an accurate statement, “hate the sin”? The Bible’s answer is absolutely.
Defining “Love”: More Than Applause
Which moves us to that second phrase, “love the sinner.” Now, I want you to write down the definition of the word love too, because our culture is so confused about what this means. You know, at the same time that we live in a cancel culture where we have to find everyone who is discriminatory or abusive—which is good—at the same time, we’re calling stuff out, but our culture also tells us that if you’re really loving and if you’re really like Jesus, well then, you should support people, and you shouldn’t judge people, and you should be for people, and you should encourage and be there for people. Right? You should honor their truth; you should support them whatever decisions they make. But I just have to ask you today, is that true? Is loving another human being meant to mean applauding for however they choose to live?
Imagine a mom with a little three-year-old. Loves her kid, gave birth to him, raised him, changed his diapers, got up at 2:17 a.m. when he was crying to feed him. Sacrificed countless hours and years of her life. She didn’t have wrinkles before the kid or gray hairs, but now she does. She adores him. So, if she loves him, will she just do whatever is in that three-year-old’s heart? “What’s that, buddy? You want Moose Tracks for breakfast? Well, hey, you do you. I’m here”—No. No, we would say that’s not love, that’s enabling, that’s bad parenting. If a mother truly loves her son, she might let him follow what’s in his heart, or she might stand up and say, “No, no, no. That’s not how we behave. That’s not how we talk to our father. That’s not how we treat our sister.”
See, I think you instinctively know the real definition of love, the Bible’s definition of love, which is this: love, according to the Bible, is whatever is best. Whatever is best for a person, that’s love. Judging someone for the way they live might be best. Calling them out, correcting them, an intervention. A parent saying, “Stop,” or “No,” or “You’re going to sit on a time out.” That’s love. Other times it’s encouraging someone, lifting them up, being there, supporting them, forgiving them. Whatever is best is the real definition of love, because this is what we learn from God.
“The Lord disciplines the one he loves.” (Hebrews 12:6)
To have a strong emotion in your heart, where you just can’t be okay with someone’s behavior, and yet be selfless and sacrificial enough to serve them—it’s like a tightrope that very few of us walk well. You know, it’s this delicate, step-by-step, wise path, and there are gaping chasms on either side where far too many Christians have fallen off.
Two Dangers Christians Fall Into
So, maybe I can’t define exactly what’s best for your situation, but I want to warn you today about two big dangers, or ditches, that lots of Christians fall into.
The first danger is this: when you see someone living a lifestyle that God does not approve of, instead of hating it, instead of detesting it, instead of loathing their choices, you kind of get used to it. No one’s perfect. We’re only human. It could be complicated and emotional if you have a tough conversation with someone you love. So, you just start to get numb, or calloused, or used to the thing that God is very emotional about.
God isn’t someone’s priority. They say they’re a Christian, but the way they’re living, Jesus barely shows up. Lots of people do that. She’s going to a Christian high school, but her texts are filled with, “Oh, my God,” and “Jesus!” like that name isn’t sacred and holy. You get used to it. Or you don’t make it to church once or twice or eight times in a row—hey, we’re busy. Well, you trash-talked the authorities, your mom, your dad, the president, the government—hey, welcome to America. You’re hurting your body. You moved in together and you’re sexually intimate before the wedding day—well, hey, that’s the majority of people. You’re not giving generously to the poor while you live in this big, beautiful, suburban house. So, you vent, and you gossip when the wine is poured and you’re around the table with the girls. You just get used to these things—I get used to these things. And sometimes when you’re used to these things, when you see them, well, that strong emotion, that deep dislike and detesting, it starts to dissipate in your heart, and you end up saying, “Well, it’s not that bad.”
But I have to tell you, to believe that in your heart is so disrespectful to Jesus. I mean, can you imagine if you could teleport back to the Friday when Jesus was tortured and put on a cross, and tell him that sin isn’t that bad? You’re there, just as a soldier lifts a meaty fist and smashes Jesus in the face. His eye’s swollen shut, he’s bleeding out of his nose, they’ve stripped him shamefully, they’ve squeezed the crown of thorns into his head, and you’re watching as that first hammer comes up and puts metal through human flesh. Jesus winces and cries out in pain, but he looks at you with his one open eye and he says, “I’m doing this for sin. I’m paying for all of the times when my Father was not your priority. I’m suffering for all of those times God’s name was just something small and something you used in vain. I’m paying for those people who thought that sex was theirs to define.” And you look at Jesus and you say, “Well, it’s not that bad.” Can you imagine telling Jesus that he’s wrong about the seriousness of sin?
Then there’s the other side. Some of us know that sin is bad, right?
“The soul who sins is the one who will die.” “The wages of sin is death.” “Be perfect because God is perfect.”
And some of us know that and we believe that, but here is the other danger: we don’t do what’s best. Instead of loving people who are doing things we dislike, we keep our distance, and we talk about them, but we don’t talk to them. We get together with our friends who don’t live those lifestyles, and we vent and complain about those people who are doing those things. But would any of them say that we’ve loved them even though we disagree with them?
You know, the Pharisees were famous for this. Many of their morals were biblically correct, but they didn’t love tax collectors. They kept their distance. They wouldn’t share a table with someone who was sexually immoral—they stayed away. Now, Jesus came and, with his love and his holiness, he said, “That’s not best.” If God kept his distance from everyone who was sinning, there would be no Christmas, there would be no Christianity.
And I want to warn you: if you’re passionate about good biblical doctrine, if you know that there is a conservative version that cannot be changed or updated, please, please, please hold on to truth but don’t let go of grace. Don’t just wag a finger about those people—do what’s best. It’s such a narrow road to walk, but you can walk it. With the help of Jesus today, you don’t have to fall to this side or the other. You don’t have to get used to sin, and you don’t have to keep your distance from sinners. You can, with the help of the Holy Spirit, hate and love at the same time.
A Story of Both: Dan Cathy and Shane
I think of the stunning story of Dan Cathy. Some of you might know Dan Cathy was the former CEO of Chick-fil-A. About ten years ago, you might remember the cultural firestorm when it was discovered that Dan Cathy, with the billions that he had made, was donating to Christian ministries that supported a traditional Christian view of gender, sexuality, and marriage. And when the news came out, the boycotts began. LGBTQ groups organized boycotts outside of Chick-fil-A restaurants. And once the boycotts began, well then, the people on the other side snapped back. One southern governor launched a counter-boycott, encouraging traditional Christian people to fill the drive-thru at Chick-fil-A to drive up the profits. Classic, right? Everyone picked a side and pointed fingers at each other, but Dan Cathy did not.
The man in the middle of the firestorm did something that no one saw coming. He tracked down the number of the gay rights activist who was organizing the boycotts. His name was Shane. And when Shane picked up and it was Dan Cathy, he was shocked—but he was way more shocked by what happened next. Instead of threatening him with a lawsuit, instead of begging him to call off the boycotts, Dan Cathy—there’s no other word for it—he loved him. He sincerely, not as some marketing ploy, wanted to know about this man whose life was so different than his. He wanted to know about his family and his story, his relationship. He listened more than he talked, he asked questions more than he lectured, he wanted to hear Shane’s words even before he mentioned a single one of God’s words.
The interaction was so powerful that Shane, months later, wrote a story you could find on the internet. This gay man who was used to being ignored by conservative Christians was finally loved by one, and it moved him so deeply he wrote a long letter. He hasn’t changed his mind about his sexuality, but he’s thought twice about Christianity.
You might know that a few years later, there was a horrible terrorist act in an Orlando gay nightclub where forty-nine gay men died. The next day, a local restaurant opened its doors to give free food and drinks to victims and those who were suffering. Do you know what restaurant it was? Chick-fil-A. Do you know what day they gave out the free food and drink? On a Sunday. In seventy years as a business, it had only been open one other Sunday before that day. But Dan Cathy, and everyone who follows the path of Jesus, was not content just to hate sin; they were serious about loving sinners.
The Answer: God Hated You, But He Chose to Love You
So, here’s my last question: how do you get there? How do you avoid those two dangers and walk this narrow road that Jesus and his mature followers have walked? Well, the answer might offend you, and I can guarantee it’s going to surprise you. Here’s the answer, and I’m not sure you’ve ever heard this in a church before: God hated you, but he still chose to love you.
You might think I made that up, but I didn’t. Look what the Bible says.
Speaking of God: “You hate all who do wrong.” (Psalm 5:5)
He sends people, and not choices, to hell. Because God knows that sinful people are not just controlled by some outside force—instead it is my heart, my head, my hands that commit sin. It’s me. It’s not the Devil putting a gun to my head and making me say those selfish things. My heart—that came out of the deepest part of who I am. God is so good, and he hates that so much.
But despite how he felt about sinful people, God loved, God gave, and God sent. He didn’t just bite his lip and not unleash his righteous anger. There is something else I will never understand in the heart of God: that he would give us his best even though we were the worst. Some of you know when I was in high school, I had a really bad addiction. I had taken a piece of poster board and written a Bible passage that sat on my bookshelf and stared back at me a thousand nights in a row when I hated my own behavior.
“Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.” (1 Timothy 1:15)
And Jesus, when he suffered on that cross for your sin and for my sin, for the sins of the whole world, he died to change your situation so that it might change the Father’s emotion. Jesus took everything that would make God hate you, or detest you, or loathe you, and he separated it as far from you as the east is from the west. The Bible says that Jesus doesn’t just give you a second chance to be better—he’s taken everything that would make God not feel good about you, and it’s gone. So, when God looks at me today—even when he looked at me back then—because of Jesus, there was nothing to hate. There was only a son to dearly love.
Christians sing it in the best lyrics of their songs. What kind of love is this, that the God who is all-knowing would not think about my sin? How can the God who sees everything at the same time not see the messed-up things that you have done? The Bible says it’s because the God who hates sinners also chose to love them. And I want to say as clearly as I can: if you believe in Jesus—and if you didn’t when today started, you can in this moment—if you believe in Jesus, when God looks at you, there is nothing to hate, there is nothing to loathe, there is nothing to detest, there is nothing to correct. Instead, he sees you wrapped in the righteousness of Jesus, and it just makes him smile like the best parent when they look at their beloved kid.
There’s a pastor named John Piper who summarizes this challenging teaching this way: if we don’t understand that God finds us hateful and loathsome in our ugly sin, we won’t be as stunned by what his love is for us. God saves millions of people who are loathsome to him in and of themselves, until he saves them, and God makes those people the apple of his eye—which makes salvation stunningly more. Because that’s what Christianity is: a God who has been so hurt by the rebelliousness of humans, and yet in this incomprehensible love, ran down to earth to save them, even though it would cost him everything.
Now, how do you look at someone and be heartbroken by their lifestyle, and yet pour yourself out, run towards them to do what’s best? You look at Christ. That’s what Christianity is. The God who hated the sin, and yet loved the sinner.
Let’s pray.
God, it is so tempting to get used to sin. It’s just easier that way in a sense. But as we think about your goodness and your holiness, we don’t want to. The Bible says we should wrestle with sin; we should put it to death. We should not conform to the pattern of this world, but we should put on the full armor of God, fight the good fight, and run this race to the finish line. God, I pray something in today’s message made all of us a little bit more passionate about personal holiness. And may it put courage in our hearts and on our lips.
Heavenly Father, there are some people who are going to miss out on you, they’re going to miss out on forever, if we just nod, and smile, and clap, and click the like button. God, we don’t want to stand by while someone just walks away from the greatest love the universe has ever known. Give us courage to know what to do and what to say. And God, we’re just stunned—I’m stunned, after all these years, that despite how you felt, you loved me, you loved us. That old passage, that God so loved the world that he gave—that’s something we’re never going to understand. But we hold on to it, we love it, and we believe it.
God, help no one who believes in Jesus walk out of this space and this message with a heaviness on their shoulders. Help them instead to be stunned, that even though their sins were so many, your mercy was more. Even though they were loathsome in your sight, your love somehow was more. Even though you should turn away, instead you turn your face towards us, and it shines upon us and it’s gracious to us. God, help us to think about the gospel and what it means for today and for forever. We live in a complicated culture, God. People pull us to two extremes, two dangers—we don’t want to be like that. We want to be just like Jesus, who is full of grace and truth, who was tough and tender, who hated the sin but loved the sinner. Help us to do it, God, for your glory and for the good of people. We pray this in Jesus’ name. And all God’s people said, amen.
