Have you ever cleaned a shower drain? A sopping wet and stringy hair ferret from all the people who’ve ever used the shower awaits you. But unless you want to miss one of God’s greatest gifts—a long, hot shower—you have to deal with this discomfort.
There is something nasty and uncomfortable plugging the drain of the church. Something we wish would go away all by itself.
Pornography.
In every church, God-fearing people are living with the consequences of plugged-up purity. According to CovenantEyes, 64% of Christian men and 15% of Christian women watch porn at least once a month. At my church, I’ve done more counseling for porn than any other topic.
Porn is a pandemic that is teaching our children heresy about sexuality, rewiring our brains with unrealistic expectations, wrecking our self-control, stressing our marriages, trashing our integrity, enslaving our bodies, and dirtying our souls. Porn plugs up the blessings that God wants to shower on the people he loves.
Imagine the blessings of being a porn-free family. No hiding. No shame. Just honesty, transparency, and love. No couples struggling to trust each other. Just closeness and connection as God intended. No time wasted scrolling, sinfully looking. Just days devoted to Jesus and nights from which you don’t wake up with regret.
I want to help you clean out the drain. For the sake of relationships and souls, I’m going to write biblically about porn.
Let’s start with our culture, which views sex as a god. Sex sells, so people sexualize everything for more dollars and followers. Internet pornography makes billions every year, a depressing statistic given that the vast majority of it is free.
Do you want pleasure? Porn can give it. Are you stressed? Porn provides an escape. Are you bored? Porn has thousands of brain-stimulating videos. Does your wife have a headache? The girls of porn don’t. Is your sex life bland? Porn can spice it up. Are you curious about sex? Porn’s class is always in session.
Porn is tempting because it promises so much.
But porn also kills.
- Porn kills marriages. “I can’t compete with that.” Stumbling upon an unerased search history, wives I’ve counseled found a digital harem and knew they couldn’t be thin and curvy, Black and White, shy and aggressive all at the same time. A wife is to be loved, but there is no love in porn. A husband is to be respected, but what man feels respected when she’s looking at another man? Porn kills closeness, intimacy, love, respect.
- Porn kills expectations. In porn, all it takes is a look, and everyone is ready to go. But real life is filled with to-do lists, headaches, PMS, ED, busy weeks, and weekend guests. In real marriage, sex is the culmination of love, a dozen sweet words and chores done and choices made. But that script is too long for porn, which teaches us to expect passion to be easy.
- Porn kills brains. Porn causes your brain to release the same chemicals as crack cocaine. Dopamine floods your brain, bringing intense pleasure and a craving to repeat the experience. Oxytocin causes you to relax in the middle of a stressful day. Epinephrine burns the images in your mind, reminding you what caused such a sensation. That’s why some people can’t just walk away. They’re hooked. There is no such thing as an innocent look when our brains are involved.
- Porn kills consciences. You might know the feeling of a sexual hangover. The regret. The shame. The feeling you’re a huge hypocrite. Recently, a man confessed his sexual sin to me, and I said, “You know God loves you, right?” But he wasn’t so sure.
- Porn kills souls. Hebrews 13:4: “God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Porn makes God angry. When porn pollutes our purity, defiles our dignity, degrades his daughters, enslaves his sons, violates our vows, and profanes our point of view, God gets mad. He hates porn. His wrath must be turned away.
But what will turn away God’s anger?
Isaiah 53:5: “[Jesus] was pierced for our transgressions.”
Christ was killed so we wouldn’t be dirty to God. Jesus’ sacrifice turned away his wrath by taking away our sins. Porn plagues us, but Jesus’ graphic death stopped it. Porn infuriates our Father, but Jesus’ graphic death changed God’s expression.
If you are a sexual sinner, run to Jesus with a repentant heart. Take hold of his hands that were pierced for you and hear his words that seem too good to be true—“I don’t condemn you.”
Stare at the graphic gospel that is Jesus on a cross. Stare at it like it’s the most alluring thing you’ve ever seen. Because it is.
Porn kills, but Jesus saves.
Excerpt taken from Taboo: Topics Christians Should Be Talking About but Don’t by Mike Novotny (© 2024 Time of Grace Ministry).
Mike Novotny is an author, pastor, and speaker who holds a Master of Divinity from Wisconsin Lutheran Seminary and a Doctor of Ministry from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. Mike is the lead speaker for Time of Grace, a global media ministry that exists to point people to what matters most: Jesus. In his latest book Taboo: Topics Christians Should Be Talking About but Don’t, he covers deeply personal, vulnerable, and emotional topics, handling them with grace and respect. Taboo is a must-read for Christians looking for a biblically based resource to modern questions.
