Grief: What Do I Do With My Anger?

By Pastor Caleb Kurbis

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Grief is a journey with no set timeline. Each person navigates it differently, and sometimes, one of the most overwhelming emotions that surfaces is anger. If you find yourself grappling with anger during a time of loss, know that you are not alone, and your feelings are valid.

Understanding Anger in Grief

Anger is a natural response to the pain of losing a loved one. It’s not uncommon to be angry at everyone and everything, including yourself, your loved one who has passed, and even God. You might feel anger towards your loved one for leaving, for not making better preparations, or for the circumstances surrounding their departure. This anger can extend to yourself, wishing you had been a better spouse, parent, or child. You may regret not spending more time with them or not being there during crucial moments. All these feelings are part of the normal grieving process.

The Divine Perspective

Often, we find ourselves questioning God during times of loss. We wonder why a loving and omnipotent God would allow such pain. It’s easy to feel that things should have turned out differently. Yet, these feelings can cloud our vision, making it hard to see God’s presence and purpose. The Bible offers comfort and clarity even in confusion. Consider the account of Mary Magdalene on the first Easter morning. Her grief and confusion blinded her to the presence of the risen Jesus right before her eyes. Yet, when Jesus called her by name, it was a profound reminder of His love and understanding.

Shifting Focus from Self to Savior

In the depths of grief, it’s natural to focus on our own pain and loss. However, recognizing this can be a stepping stone to healing. As a wise man once observed, much of our anger stems from focusing on ourselves. By acknowledging this, we can begin to shift our focus to the broader picture of God’s eternal promises. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Jesus knows your name, your pain, and the intricacies of your heart. He calls out to you, longing to guide you through your grief.

Finding Comfort in Jesus

Jesus is the one who has conquered death, offering more than just solace from sin but victory over the grave. He is the Savior who can lift the veil of anger and hurt, allowing us to see the hope and future He has prepared. When you feel overwhelmed by emotions, picture Jesus calling you by name, ready to provide the peace and clarity you seek. Let His presence transform your anger into an opportunity to draw closer to Him, finding rest in His eternal love.

Grieving is never easy, and the anger that often accompanies it can be blinding. But remember, Jesus stands with you, calling you by name, offering peace and eternal blessings. When you focus on Him, the path through grief becomes a journey of healing and hope.

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About the Author

Pastor Caleb Kurbis

Caleb Kurbis serves as pastor in Asheville, North Carolina. Caleb and his wife, Sarah, have four children (three boys and one girl) and love sharing the gospel in the Western North Carolina mountains. “The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD” (Psalm 27:1,2,13,14).

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