I wasn’t there when they died

By Pastor Daron Lindemann

It is one of the most haunting regrets people can have—being absent at the moment a loved one dies. Let me encourage you in two ways. 

Those who are dying often choose to take their last breath when a loved one is not present. Why? To provide a final, caring gesture protecting the loved one from the grim reality of death. It is offered as a gift. 

Also, a dying loved one, if you weren’t there when they passed, probably didn’t need you there. There was only One your loved one needed to be present at the moment of his or her death, and it was not you. It was Jesus. 

Jesus is their Savior, not you. Jesus conquered death at his resurrection, not you. Jesus is ever present as the true God, not you. So it’s okay. Give yourself some grace (and truth) if you weren’t present when your loved one died. Jesus was.

A man whose daughter was dying left her side and traveled to find Jesus. While he was away, she died. “Don’t be afraid; just believe,” Jesus told him (Mark 5:36). That’s what your loved one needs from you. 

Believe that Jesus has been raised to life and that he offers eternal life to all who trust in him. While your loved one is still alive and alert, assure them of this. And when the moment comes, whether you are there or not, Jesus is their eternal, kind, present, powerful, and life-giving Savior. 

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About the Author

Pastor Daron Lindemann

Pastor Daron Lindemann is pastor at a new mission start in Pflugerville, Texas. Previously he served in downtown Milwaukee and in Irmo, South Carolina. Daron has authored articles or series for Forward in Christmagazine, Preach the Word, and his own weekly Grace MEMO devotions. He lives in Texas with his wife, Cara, and has two adult sons.

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