Have you heard the phrase, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”?
I’m not big into bumper sticker kind of phrases like that because I can usually find some nuance to them. However, that quote, attributed to Jim Rohn, has some truth. The people around you do have an impact on you.
Pick your people carefully: How much do friends influence you?
Moran Cerf, a professor of neuroscience and business, found that when two people spend time together, their brain waves start to look nearly identical. “The more we study engagement, we see time and again that just being next to certain people actually aligns your brain with them,” he shares.
This isn’t new news, however. About three thousand years ago, King Solomon, an ancient king of Israel known for his wisdom, wrote, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20).
So what does the Bible say about choosing friends? Both Cerf and Solomon are telling you to pick your people carefully. Make sure you are surrounded by quality people who encourage, challenge, support, and inspire you. If you hang around people who make bad decisions, who complain, or who only take and never give, you’ll start to act like them too.
Walk with the wise: What does Proverbs 13:20 mean?
I think—deep down—nobody wants to be considered an idiot or foolish. So if you want respect, if you want to be kind, if you want to be a contributing member of society, pick people who have those qualities and make good decisions.
Look for friends who love to pray. Find someone who will text you Bible passages when you’re struggling.
These don’t have to be just “spiritual” things either. Whatever character or quality you’d like to develop, join a group that loves to hike, play cards, work out, knit, watch sports, fish.
Walk away if needed: When should you end a friendship?
When God says you’ll suffer harm if you hang around fools, he’s not threatening you. He’s simply being honest about natural consequences that come from staying close to people who are immature or irresponsible or impulsive, who are selfish or hot tempered, who look for identity in things that don’t satisfy.
If this is where you’re at right now, it might be time to destroy the snares. That’s the Bible’s way of saying you’ll need to break the habits that trip you up, which might include dramatic changes. Possibly you need to find a different friend group, switch schools, give up weekend habits, cut up credit cards, or even change your address.
Be salty: Should Christians have non-Christian friends?
One caveat about choosing friends. Surrounding yourself only with people who think like you could mean you end up living in a bubble. If that bubble consists only of people who believe in Jesus, you limit your chances to share the good news about Jesus with people who desperately need it.
Back when the Bible was written, salt was used as a preservative. When Jesus called his followers “the salt of the earth” (Matthew 5:13), he’s telling us we’re here to help preserve the message of Christ in a sinful world.
The only way that your friends will know about it is if you tell them. “But how can people call on [Jesus] if they have not believed in him? How can they believe in him if they have not heard his message? How can they hear if no one tells the Good News?” (Romans 10:14 GW).
Walk with Jesus: How can you spend more time with him?
Professor Cerf found that when people spend time together, their brain waves look alike, and ultimately, I’d like my brain to look like Jesus’s. This means I need to think not only about the people around me but also focus on the time I spend with Jesus.
I can surround myself with him by reading the Bible. All of its books point to Jesus, but some talk specifically about the years he lived on earth. (Personally, I’m a fan of the book of Mark.) Listen to messages about him. (Personally, I’m a big fan of the messages from Time of Grace.) Pray to him, which really just means having a conversation with him, whether in your mind or out loud.
I just used over seven hundred words to flesh out Jim Rohn’s assessment of the people around us. To tighten it up: You are a child of God, fearfully and wonderfully made by him with a unique role to play in this world—both to bless and be blessed by the people around you.
But that still doesn’t fit on a bumper sticker.
Linda Buxa is a writer and editor who is blessed to be surrounded by some pretty great friends. Also, she’s thankful for God’s grace when she has been the fool.
