Marriage: When Your Spouse Pays More Attention to Their Phone than to You

Are your screens helping or hurting your marriage?

When you ask a question and your phone-focused husband responds four seconds too late. Or when she’s lost on Instagram when you finally get some windshield time during a long car ride. Or when your bedtime routine consists of one bed, two people, two phones, and two different worlds.

What’s a couple to do? It all starts with mutually agreed-upon expectations!

You have a long list of unspoken expectations about screens: How much screen time is too much screen time? Is social media a waste of time or a wonderful way to connect with friends? Do phones belong at dinner tables? Or in bedrooms? Or on dates?

There aren’t biblical answers to these questions, but you have your own answers, most of which you have yet to discuss with your spouse.

So it’s time to talk to each other. You might ask questions like these:

How do you feel about your screen time?
How do you feel about my screen time?
Do you think that screens have helped or hurt our marriage?
What might be some “screen-free” zones in our home? (Dinner table? Bed?)
If we are together, how can we give each other our full attention?

If you need some ideas to get your mind working, here are some from my home/marriage:

Mealtimes are sacred times.

No one brings a phone to the table so we can enjoy each other’s company and give each other our full attention.

No devices in the bedroom.

Our bed is for sleeping, reading, relaxing, and making love.

Only use your phone with the driver’s permission.

If I’m driving, I appreciate good conversation with whoever is sitting shotgun, so please put your phone away unless we’ve discussed it.

Let screens unite us, not divide us.

Everyone needs some downtime, but let’s find a show we all like instead of dividing into different rooms with different screens.

What boundaries could you set up so screens bless your marriage instead of cursing it? I don’t know the exact answer, but I do know that your spouse matters way more than your screen.

“I have much to write to you, but I do not want to use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to visit you and talk with you face to face, so that our joy may be complete” (2 John 1:12).