It is extremely interesting that God did not give identical instructions to men and women in his prime directive for marriage. Men need to be told to love their wives as themselves, and as Christ loved the church, because it doesn’t come naturally and because it’s hard.

God has wired women for relationships; perhaps that’s why he thought he didn’t need to tell women to love their husbands. What women need to be encouraged to do is to provide something else for their husbands, something that also doesn’t come naturally: “The wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). The reason is that while men like to be loved, they absolutely must have respect. It is oxygen for their souls. 

God gave his women an enormous role in sexuality and human reproduction, and he assigned men the role of family leadership. Men can’t fulfill that commission if wives refuse to follow. God invites married Christian women to choose to yield some of their independence, not because men are smarter (they aren’t) but because in God’s opinion families need a leader. This has always been a difficult task for believing women, and it has gotten harder in the superheated gender climate of today. Men have behaved so badly so often that in a sense it is understandable that a lot of women are fearful and disdainful of any marital submission whatsoever.

Sisters, do it anyway. Give your husbands a chance to grow into their roles and fulfill the mission God himself has given them to do.